You still look the same.

I spent some time with a few old friends today and it made me realize that there has been a change in who I have become. I thought to myself, you still look the same and it feels like just yesterday, but these changes are coming from within and it feels like something new. I used to have a connection so familiar with the world, and with those around me, that I never would have noticed the slightest alteration taking place within the world and within myself; changes that are so innate that one doesn’t even recognize them until they magnify themselves in an event that suddenly doesn’t feel so familiar anymore. I was thinking about the way we used to seamlessly connect on a level that clearly is no longer existent. I found myself standing in oppression to the unfavorable impression that this meeting has triggered. We stood on the corner of Fairfax and Melrose Avenue in the city of Los Angeles, CA as a discussion that I could not bring myself to become involved in took place. It has been a while since I have spent some time outside, I have just realized.

I was able to recognize that feeling of something new naturally as the overpowering resistance that my body was experiencing in that moment. I knew that I was not where I was supposed to be at that moment. I felt the urge to excuse myself from that setting, but I could not find my voice. I had the intuition that I would never see those faces again, but I did not feel anything about it. There was a strong sense of force that left me standing there. As I noticed physical movement beginning to take place within the group, I was suddenly detached from my thoughts. I felt the resistance to the motion of the group and remained still in my position. As the group began to walk away, I watched them fade into the distance. I realized that they were not looking back. I suddenly then found the physical capability to turn myself around and began to walk towards the bus stop a few blocks ahead. I waited for the bus that would take me home. 

It took a group of old friends to make me see that undeniably, I had become somebody else. Maybe it’s not just myself, but maybe it’s the world; maybe the changes that happened within me, and around me, happened so slowly that when I began to notice the silence composing itself around me, I expected the silence to be a shift to renew what I knew I had lost, but today the silence was engaging. The silence has been a disturbance within my character, a character that is no longer my property, a character reconstructed with an unsettling voice that has trivial significance when made vulnerable against humanity when humanity becomes uncertain about who he is. Humanity no longer displayed its convivial nature as I disposed myself in the events of today. The world that I thought was familiar experienced a transformation, whether it was gradual or sudden I could not say. What I had experienced was the unusual touch of the external world.